Chapter 1: The Courtesy Call Relaxation Chamber Announcer: "Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise." | | icon.png Announcer: "You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]" | | icon.png Announcer: "Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]" | | icon.png Announcer: "Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise." | | icon.png Announcer: "There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it." | | icon.png Announcer: "This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]" | | icon.png Announcer: "You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]" | | icon.png Announcer: "Good. Now please return to your bed." | | icon.png Announcer: "Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]" | | icon.png Before Opening The Door Wheatley: "Hello? Anyone in there?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Helloooo?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Are you going to open the door? At any time?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hello? Can y--no?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hello!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Helloooooooooooo!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Go on!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Open the door!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hello!" | | icon.png Wake-Up Call Wheatley: "HA! I knew someone was alive in here." | | icon.png Line s upon door open but is interrupted after "HA!" by the next line, when Wheatley sees Chell. Wheatley: "AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow." | | icon.png Announcer: "Please prepare for emergency evacuation." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you." | | icon.png Wheatley: "You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage." | | icon.png Wheatley: "But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Simple word. 'Apple'." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'." | | icon.png Wheatley: "How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight." | | icon.png Announcer: "All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown." | | icon.png Container Ride Wheatley: "Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here." | | icon.png Wheatley: "How you doing down there? You still holding on?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hold on! This is a bit tricky!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Alright, off you go!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Go on. Just... March on through that hole." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die." | | icon.png Wheatley: "So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Go on." | | icon.png Wheatley: "On ya go." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on." | | icon.png Wheatley: "That's the spirit!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Good luck!" | | icon.png Test Chamber 00 Announcer: "Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center." | | icon.png Announcer: "We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control." | | icon.png Announcer: "However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse." | | icon.png Announcer: "The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One." | | icon.png Announcer: "Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency." | | icon.png Announcer: "If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim." | | icon.png Announcer: "Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it." | | icon.png If the er has already passed through the Emancipation Grill after the "cube and button-based testing" information: Announcer: "You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it." | | icon.png Test Chamber 01 Announcer: "If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples." | | icon.png Announcer: "You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head." | | icon.png Announcer: "Good!" | | icon.png Announcer: "Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised." | | icon.png Announcer: "Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt." | | icon.png Test Chamber 02 Announcer: "If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hey hey! You made it!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "There should be a portal device on that podium over there." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about." | | icon.png Wheatley: "No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "That's it, no, that's it! Yeah." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Whoa!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hello?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Can you see the portal gun?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead." | | icon.png Announcer: "Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share." | | icon.png Announcer: "Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork." | | icon.png Test Chambers 03 & 04 Announcer: "This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]" | | icon.png Announcer: "Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments." | | icon.png If the er manages to go through the exit without both cubes on the buttons: Announcer: "You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open." | | icon.png Test Chamber 05 Announcer: "If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test." | | icon.png Announcer: "Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts." | | icon.png Test Chamber 06 Announcer: "This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you." | | icon.png Announcer: "If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you." | | icon.png Announcer: "Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing." | | icon.png Test Chambers 7 & 8 Announcer: "To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave." | | icon.png If er has not placed a portal on Wheatley's side of the room before he finishes the previous line: Wheatley: "Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Right behind me." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through." | | icon.png If er has not crossed the placed portal to the other side before he finishes the "found portal gun" line: Wheatley: "Come on through." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Come on through to the other side." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Come on through." | | icon.png Disengagement from Rail Wheatley: "Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing." | | icon.png Wheatley: "On three. Ready? One... Two..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme" | | icon.png Wheatley: "OW." | | icon.png Wheatley: "OW..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]" | | icon.png If er has not picked up Wheatley by the time he finishes the previous line Wheatley: "I can't move, though. That's the problem now." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Look down. Where am I? Where am I?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor." | | icon.png Wheatley: "What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great." | | icon.png Plug-in scene Wheatley: "Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Go on. Just jam me in over there." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it." | | icon.png Wheatley: "It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something." | | icon.png Wheatley: "It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]" | | icon.png Wheatley: "I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?" | | icon.png Secret Panel Wheatley: "Alright, you can turn around now!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Pick me up. Let's get out of here." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Pick--would you pick me up?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "[laugh] Would you pick me up?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hey! Pick me up!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Might want to just pick me up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Let's do it again! Pick me up again!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "And off we go." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually." | | icon.png First Oracle Turret Appearance Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube01" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh no..." | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube02" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube03" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube04" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube05" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Don't make eye contact whatever you do..." | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube06" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube07" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube08" | | icon.png Wheatley: "No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube09" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintubegoodbye01" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Keep moving, keep moving..." | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube03" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube04" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintube09" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintubetakemewith01" | | icon.png Oracle Turret: "Template:Dictionary/voice lines/Turret/turretstuckintubetakemewith02" | | icon.png (The Oracle Turret lines might not be in correct order) Her Chamber Entrance to GLaDOS's Ruined Chamber Wheatley: "Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now." | | icon.png Wheatley: "In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber." | | icon.png Wheatley: "And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake." | | icon.png Wheatley: "If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us." | | icon.png Wheatley: "So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Riggght now." | | icon.png Wheatley: "In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open." | | icon.png Passing through GLaDOS's Ruined Chamber Wheatley: "Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go." | | icon.png Wheatley: "There she is..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac." | | icon.png Wheatley: "You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything." | | icon.png Jump down the stairs Wheatley: "Okay, down these stairs." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay, down those stairs, please?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip." | | icon.png Wheatley: "So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens." | | icon.png Wheatley: "[yelling]" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous." | | icon.png Wheatley: "AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it." | | icon.png Wheatley: "AH! I've just done it again." | | icon.png Wheatley: "I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge." | | icon.png Breaker Room Wheatley: "This is the main breaker room." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Let's go in!" | | icon.png If er has not entered by the time he finishes above line Wheatley: "Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on." | | icon.png Wheatley: "'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Now, escape pod... escape pod..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "It's... It's moving up." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "No. Makes it go faster." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Uh oh." | | icon.png GLaDOS Reawakening Announcer: "Powerup initiated." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm..." | | icon.png Wheatley: "A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A." | | icon.png Wheatley: "[BUZZER NOISE]" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C." | | icon.png Wheatley: "[BUZZER NOISE]" | | icon.png Wheatley: "No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down." | | icon.png Announcer: "Powerup complete." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong." | | icon.png Wheatley: "Hello!" | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Oh... It's you." | | icon.png Wheatley: "You KNOW her?" | | icon.png GLaDOS: "It's been a long time. How have you been?" | | icon.png GLaDOS: "I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME." | | icon.png Wheatley: "You did WHAT?" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Aggggh!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh no! nonononono!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Oh no no no... No! Nooo!" | | icon.png Wheatley: "Gah!" | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first." | | icon.png Incinerator GLaDOS: "Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "There it is." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Hold on..." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "There." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Here, let me get that for you." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe." | | icon.png Chapter 2: The Cold Boot Test Chamber 1 GLaDOS: "Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that." | | icon.png Announcer: "[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]" | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do." | | icon.png Test Chamber 2 GLaDOS: "This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "There should be one in the corner." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that." | | icon.png Test Chamber 3 GLaDOS: "Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Congratulations. Not on the test." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds." | | icon.png Test Chamber 4 GLaDOS: "One moment." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing." | | icon.png Test Chamber 5 GLaDOS: "This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!" | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting." | | icon.png Test Chamber 6 GLaDOS: "Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you." | | icon.png If the er picks up a trash item GLaDOS: "You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage." | | icon.png GLaDOS: "Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now." | | icon.png